Phew! After being chased around the greater part of California by your damn T-Rex, I managed to escape. First I had to start by explaining to that numbskull what a number was. And how two was twice as big as one. And that three followed two. And that it preceded four. As you can imagine, it was a bit time consuming. What with his tiny brain and his insatiable appetite for my tasty, tasty flesh. But once I explained the concept of numbers and counting, I then turned your stupid T-Rex onto the joys of Sudoku! Really easy sudoku, mind. But since his brain is the size of a walnut, he’s totally distracted by the figuring of these puzzles. And I have managed to escape!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Now you will experience my wrath. A wrath that, well, is not something most people like to experience. I’d say on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being say, the Wrath of Khan, and 10 being the Wrath of God, I’d put my Wrath at around a 4.5. You know, sorta maybe around the Wrath of the Hulk when he’s really ticked off. But, regardless, since you’re a viola player, you really don’t have any muscles to speak of, so you’re basically up that proverbial creek, you know the one with the flies that really stinks to high heaven. And yes, your paddle is nowhere to be found.

So prepare yourself. I’d suggest maybe making peace with whatever gods you worship, paying back anyone you owe money to, returning any outstanding library books, paying off any old school loans, and perhaps telling your parents exactly how they fucked up your life. You know, the usual your-life-as-you-know-it-is-about-to-end activities. Because, frankly, it is. And no, I don’t mean because you’re about to become a billionaire. Because I intercepted your billion dollar check, dude. And I spent it on a billion dollar-sandwiches at McDonalds. That’s right, now their sign reads, billions and billions AND billion served!

Your friend in Christ,

Mike TV