“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh C’thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!” “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh C’thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”  Oh…, sorry.  Nevermind me.  I was just summong Cthulhu, the most fearsome of the Great Old Ones, from his seemingly infinite slumber.  And boy, when he wakes up, is he gonna be a grouch.  I’m serious.  You’ve never seen a distemper like this one, man.  This guy is a monster.  Absolute beast.  And well, as soon as I wake him, most probably with the great Alarm Clock of Og’Dagrabed  or the Clown Horn of V’kazaree or perhaps the Gong of Ongdongalong, well, it’s gonna basically be one earth-shattering grumpfest.  So you might as well start counting your chickens.  Or sowing your wild oats.  Or doing whatever it is that people do when they’re about to die.   It’s sad, however.  You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.  …  (insert your line here)

Crap, now where was I.  Hmm…curses.  I have forgotten my place.  Where the hell did I put that Necronomicon?  I really am gonna have to clean up the TV Mansion.  Ever since your goddamn jets doused my place in gouda it’s been impossible to find anything.  Fortunately, I brought in my hordes of ninja-trained, death-mice to eat as much of the cheese as they can stand.  The only problem is I forgot about all the goddamn droppings.  My place looks like that goddamn Raisin Bran Sun dumped two scoops of raisins in through the roof.  It’s disugsting.  Oh well, I guess I’ll have to start over.   I was feeling a bit rushed anyhow.  You know what they say, if you rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

However, I have a proposal for you, you slack-sacked sister of a fatherless sow.   Why don’t you put down your laser controls and I’ll put down my Necronomicon and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?    I think that all of this destruction really is taking time away from the band.  I mean, we haven’t rehearsed in… Oh, who am I kidding?   Us, rehearse?   Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahahah!  Okay, now really, where the hell did I put that Necronomicon?

With the rending of flesh and the gnashing of teeth and the tooting of little horns,

Mike TV

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