Posts Tagged ‘smackdown’

You fool! I knew you were a luddite. I could tell by the fact that you wear a sundial as a watch. So, I knew that your silly GoBot was nothing more than Quaker Oat cans, popsicle sticks, and Scotch Tape. Ha! But you were drawn out by my clever ruse and you revealed your true plot! (In true arch-villain fashion, I must say. So bravo on that point.) But I hope you noticed that at 3:00pm PST that your lasers didn’t blow our poor planet to smithereens. I bet you’re still scratching your head as to why. Well, I’ll tell you, you noisome sack of gnat-eaten pussballs. Or better yet, you warthog-faced buffoon! Cow flatulence! That’s right. Cow farts.

As you well know, as a professional rock musician, most of my myriad friends are cow farmers. Naturally. So I called up all of my cow-farming friends. And they called all of their friends. Who were also cow farmers. And they called their cow farming friends who called their…well, you get the idea. And I told them to feed their cows a tincture of beans, Indian food, cauliflower, eggs, and beer. Which, as you can guess, gave their cows terrible gas. Sending up a protective miasma of violent stink. A stink more powerful than your lasers. Sure, it means that our ozone is going to be depleted in about 16 days. But at least we have 16 more days of American Idol. (My favorite evil-villain show. No show does more damage to the American aesthetic than this nuclear megaton bomb of crap. Just one more week of that piece of shit show and we will finally have the collective cultural taste of a jar of amputated testicles. MuhahahahahahHAHAHAHA!)

So ends your plot to…oh crap. I have to go. Work is done. I’m on the clock. The boss says I don’t get any more Evil Genius overtime. Bah! So I guess no more nefarious schemes for me. Curses! Or better yet… Drat!

With a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of…uh, root beer. *sigh* Effing AA,

Mike TV