I’ve decided to do something useful and contribute to “society” for a change.  To this end, I’ve created a “Suck Scale.” This handy 1-10 scale will allow you to gauge and categorize your daily irritations and annoyances, and I’m adding examples for each numeral value to give everything some perspective.  I’ll probably update these when I think of more.  You’re welcome, world.

1. Paper cut; somebody talking on cell phone in elevator; no hot dog buns available at convenience store; email spam involving penis enlargement

2.  Paper cut on webbing between fingers; somebody talking on bluetooth in elevator; stuck behind slow driver (<50 mph) on freeway; email spam involving ousted Nigerian royalty

3.  Reunion tour by 70s-era band including original lineup; reality TV show involving dancing; actual Spam

4.  Reality TV show involving people trying to win money; boxed in by 2 semis on freeway; pursued by average mummy

5.  Average stand-up comedian’s routine about how his/her ethnic background differs from others’; rumor about no more Christopher Guest movies

6. Car overheats on freeway; reality TV show involving brain-dead ex-celebrity; reunion tour by 70s-era band without original singer; pursued by mummy with a gun

7. Rejected by object of affection; having to replay the whole level because you forgot to save; car overheats on freeway during rush hour; 70s-era TV show made into movie

8. Kidney stone; Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace; 80s-era TV show made into movie; car overheats on freeway during rush hour

9. Zombie apocalypse (slow-moving Romero zombies); any movie directed by Michael Bay; Broadway musical made into movie

10. Zombie apocalypse (fast-moving Rage-induced Danny Boyle zombies); Fox News; Firefly canceled; movie made into Broadway musical; reality TV show involving singing