…before I get into an elevator that contains somebody talking on a cell phone, and then the door of that elevator opens on my floor, and only I exit the elevator, and the walls of that elevator are coated with blood, and the floor of that elevator features a headless, mutilated corpse with a cell phone suppository.  This will eventually happen, and no court in the land will convict me.  Also, I think the soundtrack will probably be a beautiful and haunting Chopin nocturne.  Or, better, the full version of Francisco Tarrega’s Gran Valse, which serves as the default Verizon ringtone.

–Eric

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